When Parenting Feels Like Too Much: How ACT and Mindfulness Can Support Parents of Children with Autism

Parenting a child with autism often comes with its own special brand of stress. There are a million things to juggle at one: doctors appointments, IEP meetings, therapy schedules, behavioral concerns, sensory sensitivities, uncertainty about the future—all of this on top of the everyday demands of life. Many of the parents I work with describe feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally stretched thin, even when they love their child deeply and are doing everything they can. 

If this sounds familiar, and someone hasn’t told you this lately, your stress makes sense. Chronic stress is not a sign that you’re failing or “not coping well enough.” It’s a natural human response to dealing with ongoing emotional and logistical demands.

Oftentimes, parents of children with autism are given well-meaning advice like, “try to stay positive" or “you just need to take more breaks.”

The problem is that these suggestions assume stress is something you can simply “turn off”. But for many parents, stress is tied to real, ongoing responsibilities that can’t be done away with. Trying to suppress or “fix” those feelings often backfires, leading to guilt, frustration, and/or emotional burnout.

This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness can be especially helpful—not by removing stressors, but by helping parents change their relationship to stress so it becomes more manageable, less consuming, and less self-blaming. Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this stress?” ACT asks, “How can I live well alongside it?”

Brief Overview of ACT

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a values-based approach that focuses on building psychological flexibility—the ability to stay present, open, and engaged in life even when things are hard.

Rather than trying to control thoughts or emotions, ACT helps people:

• Make room for difficult feelings and experiences

• Step back from unhelpful thought patterns

• Stay connected to what matters most

• Take meaningful action, even in the face of stress

For parents of children with autism, ACT can be especially powerful because the goal isn’t to “fix” feelings like worry, grief, or frustration—but to reduce the struggle with them.

The Six Core Processes of ACT

ACT is built around six core processes. Here’s how they can be utilized by parents:

1. Acceptance: Making Room for Hard Feelings

Acceptance doesn’t mean liking stress or resigning yourself to it. It means finding all emotions valid—fear, sadness, anger, exhaustion—and allowing them to exist without fighting them or judging yourself for having them.

Acceptance can sound like saying to yourself:

• “I’m noticing a lot of anger right now, and that makes sense given what I’m dealing with.”

• “This is anger showing up—not because I’m a bad parent, but because this is hard.”

• “This is exhaustion, and it’s understandable given how much I’ve been carrying.”

• “My body is telling me I’m depleted—not that I’m failing.”

2. Stepping Back from Unhelpful Thoughts

Parents can sometimes find themselves having painful thoughts like “I’m failing my child” or “I should be handling this better.” ACT teaches a skill called cognitive defusion, which helps you notice thoughts as mere mental events rather than facts.

A small reframe of thought like: “I’m having the thought that I’m failing,” can create enough space to respond with more clarity and self-compassion.

3. Mindfulness: Coming Back to the Present Moment

Mindfulness in ACT is practical and flexible. It doesn’t require silence, meditation cushions, or extra time that you don’t have. It’s about gently bringing attention back to what’s happening right now, even in the middle of chaos. Mindfulness can help regulate your nervous system during moments of overwhelm and prevent stress from spiraling into panic or shutdown.

(I’ve included some mindfulness tips and tricks at the end of this post.)

4. You Are More Than This Moment

ACT emphasizes that you are not defined by your stress, your child’s diagnosis, or the season of life that you are in. You are the observer of these experiences—not the sum of them. This perspective can be grounding for parents who feel consumed by caregiving roles and all of the responsibilities that come with them.

5. Clarifying What Matters Most

ACT places a strong focus on values—the qualities of how you want to show up as a parent, even on hard days. Values might include patience, advocacy, compassion, connection, or resilience.

During tough moments, stress often pulls parents into survival mode—reacting quickly, criticizing yourself, or feeling disconnected from the parent you want to be. Values act as an anchor in those moments. They give you something grounding to return to when emotions are high and clarity feels out of reach.

So, rather than asking yourself, “What should I do to make this stop?” leveraging your values invites a different question: “Given how hard this is, how do I want to show up right now?”

6. Committed Action: Small Steps That Align with Values

Rather than giant sweeping changes, ACT emphasizes small, doable actions that align with what matters. This might be:

• Taking one intentional breath before responding to a meltdown

• Asking for support instead of pushing through alone

• Setting a boundary that protects your energy

Not just once, but over and over again. The key is progress over perfection. 

Mindfulness for the Busy, Stretched-Thin Parent

As was mentioned earlier, contrary to popular belief, mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated or lengthy. All you need is yourself, and the present moment. 

For parents, mindfulness might look like:

• Noticing the feel of your feet on the ground during a tense moment

• Taking three slow breaths while waiting in the car before pick up

• Simply naming what emotion you’re feeling without judging it

These brief moments of awareness can reduce reactivity and help you respond more intentionally, even under stress. 

Here are a few simple mindfulness tools & practices you can try this week:

• Thought Check

• When having an unpleasant or uncomfortable thought ask yourself, “Is this a thought or a fact?”

• Values Pause

• When you notice yourself wanting to have a “gut-reaction,” pause and ask yourself, “What kind of parent do I want to be in this moment?”

• One Small Action: Choose one compassionate, values-aligned step today.

• Let’s say one of your values as a parent is patience. Rather than immediately reacting to something your child does, you can choose to take one slow breath before responding.  

Parenting a child with autism is meaningful, complex, and often incredibly demanding. Incorporating aspects of ACT and mindfulness doesn’t promise ease—but it does offer a way to move forward with more clarity, compassion, and steadiness.

One of the greatest gifts of ACT is that you don’t have to do any of this perfectly to do it meaningfully. Choosing to continue showing up and try again makes all the difference. You got this!

About the Author:

Jennifer is a dually licensed/credentialed Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with autistic individuals and the people who love them. In addition to supporting children and teens on the autism spectrum, she provides counseling for parents and siblings navigating the emotional, relational, and practical realities of family life with autism. Along with her ABA caseload, Jennifer offers counseling services for caregivers seeking support that is practical, compassionate, and nonjudgmental.